How to set Boundaries
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Setting boundaries is important that is why I want to share with how to set boundaries for yourself and others so that people will know what your limits are.

Setting boundaries can be very empowering especially if you want to be both physically and emotionally healthy, when you recognize to set and enforce limits, you are protecting your self esteem and maintaining your self respect and also you get to enjoy health relationships.

When you don’t set boundaries you leave room for emotional pain, dependency, depression, anxiety and stress, lack of having no boundaries is like opening the door of your home open for anyone to just walk even unwanted guest, you don’t want to set a rigid boundaries which can cause isolation, no one can come, no one can go out.

What Are Boundaries

Let’s talk about what are boundaries. Boundaries are like guidelines. they are rules and regulations or limits that a person has set in place for themselves which are reasonable, safe and permissible way for other people to interact with them.

Why Is It Important To Set Boundaries

  1. It is important to communicate your needs to people
  2. For you to be able to have positive interactions
  3. For you to be able to practice self care and self respect
  4. To be able to set limit in a relationship in a healthy way

How To Set Boundaries

Now let me share with you tips on how to set boundaries for yourself or even at work.

Name/Know Your Limit: The number one tip on how to set boundaries is to name and know your limits, this is important if you don’t know your limits, how do you expect others to respect it. You need to consider what you can tolerate and accept and also what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed.

Tune Into Your Feelings: You need to learn how to tune into your feelings, learn what makes you thick, how you feel from time to time, for this you can keep a journal so that you can monitor emotions.

Be Direct: There are some people that you will need to have a direct approach with them, these type of people don’t usually respect people’s boundaries no matter how subtly you tell them, they still won’t get until you use a direct approach for them and even then they still will not listen but you need to be firm about it.

Give Yourself Permission: There are three things that make people not set healthy boundaries and they are, fear, self doubt and guilt, these factors are the reason why people don’t set boundaries, they fear what people’s reaction will be if they set and enforce boundaries. some also feel guilt when they speak up to family and friends and say no to them. You need to know that if you don’t set boundaries, people will take advantage of you. So give yourself permission set healthy boundaries for yourself.

Self Care Has To Be A Priority: Half way on the list of how to set boundaries, you need to make sure that practicing self care is a priority when you set your boundaries. This means you need to put yourself first in everything, self care brings you nothing but peace of mind and it will give you a positive outlook towards life, it will also strength to enforce your boundaries.

Check out my post on: How to overcome self doubt

Be Assertive: Another tip on how to set boundaries is to be assertive, it is not enough that you have to create boundaries, you have to follow through with them. You need to start letting people know that you have boundaries, let them know when they have hurt you or when they should stop being rude to you, if they decide to work with you to know more about your boundaries good, if they will keep disrespecting then you need to cut them out of your life.

Start Small: Like everything that you start, you need to take small steps, you don’t just go diving into it, take little steps. Start by setting small boundary which is not a threat to you and then as times goes on you can increase it to more challenging boundaries.

Let People Know About The Consequences: The second tip the last tip on how to set boundaries is to think about the consequences, let them what will happen if they don’t respect your boundaries.

Practice Often: The last tip on how to set boundaries is to practice often, I always say this when you do something often it becomes a part of you, it becomes a routine, so when you set boundaries often and let people know about it then it will become a habit for you.

That is all the tips I have for you on how to set boundaries, i hope these tips helps you.

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  1. I had a very toxic relationship that lasted for thirteen years. I am not going to go into details and disrespect the person over social media. After seven years of distance from the relationship, I will only say that I was a peacekeeper in the relationship. I was always trying to disarm the person’s anger, deflecting hurt feelings, failed expectations. No matter how hard I tried, the bar was never met.

    Through my recovery from depression, I came to realize that this was a repeated life pattern. My father (I speak more freely about this relationship) is the root of my codependency. My parents were divorced when I was very young. I was present during the actual the actual argument between my parents. In the midst of the argument I was involved in an accident, which only made my father more angry. He then stormed out of the house, and I did not see him for three years. I blamed myself for the divorce.
    My father was not a part of my growing up. When he did visit, he was an angry man. He complained about his situation – (he was in arrearage in his child support). He would then disappear for months-on-end. I was fortunate that my grandfather became my father. From when I was little, to when he passed away three years ago at the age of ninety-eight, he was my “Granddaddy”.

    My father was judgmental of every life decision in life. His disapproval of how I allowed this woman to mistreat me for so long. He didn’t understand my religious belief of the sanctity of the relationship, and that their were other factors that made this relationship important to save. That it COULD be saved. The key thing that I had to set “boundaries with her”. Unfortunately, trust had been broken. Because of my illness I decided to quit my job, and I lied about some things to escape her anger.

    Thus, my father said that I caved into her. He disagreed with my decision to become a writer. He accused me of giving in to what the medical and physiological profession that was telling me about my “condition”, and that I was just accepting it and giving up it. He said that if I applied for support, I would never get off it. Over the next seven years, EVERY phone conversation lead to this argument. I had to set boundaries with the root after forty-seven years. I set the boundary with the former relationship; but separating from the root can , by far, be the hardest.

    1. That is a touching story, I am glad that you had to set boundaries with your father, I am sorry that you were in a toxic relationship.

  2. Great tips and advice, setting boundaries really is an important thing that I think should be taught from such an earlier age. It should be taught as part of ‘life skills’ class at school even! Thanks for sharing, Helen.

  3. This has made me realise I need to start setting boundaries for myself so that my relationships will become more healthy for everyone all around. I’m definitely going to take what you’ve written on board.

  4. This is super helpful; my in laws don’t respect boundaries AT ALL which has led me to go no contact with neither my husband’s parents or sisters. The more you push and voice that the things they’re doing is making you uncomfortable the more they judge you and cuss you out for absolutely no reason. I’ve learned that I need to put myself, my daughter and my mental health and peace first. I’ve never needed anyone, I’ve always lived on my own, they got me fucked up if they think I *need* them.

    1. Wow, that is so true about family, the more you tell them that you are uncomfortable with what they do to you and how they speak to you they either think you are being disrespectful or they just you, so hazel you are right to stay away from them.

  5. This post gave me insight into my professional relationships and helped me to understand that I need to start setting boundaries. I struggle with allowing myself to set boundaries and demand respect in the workingplace, but that stops today.

  6. This is a real struggle for me. Although I do a fine job in my worklife on this part, I just can’t seem to keep my back straight when it comes to things in my personal life. This is really helpful though, so thank you! It’s a good reminder of the importance of it.

  7. These are awesome tips! I have a hard time setting boundaries in certain areas in my life so I will definitely be using your advice!

  8. I love this. It’s so important to set boundaries and can really help with your mental health. These tips were great!

  9. This is something that I’m working through in therapy right now because I was never taught this growing up. I come from an incredibly toxic family who didn’t believe that children should have privacy or be given respect so now as an adult I’m having to learn how to reclaim the respect I was never given and set healthy boundaries with other people. These are some great tips and I loved reading them.

  10. Boundaries are absolutely necessary. I have had so many instances where I didnt have boundaries set and people would mistreat me and disrespect me. It was unbelievable what I was allowing. Now, there are boundaries and these people wont come around, which is better for me. Thanks for sharing!

  11. Thank you for sharing these ten tips on how to set boundaries. The fourth tip, ‘give yourself permission’ is something I struggle addressing. I feel guilty when I set boundaries when I really shouldn’t as they are perfectly healthy boundaries. The last tip is something I will continue to work on! Valuable post!

  12. Great tips. The process of setting and maintaining boundaries is rarely easy. It takes continued focus and effort – reminding yourself about why you’re doing it and why you need to stick with it. Especially when these boundaries involve close friends or family members. That being said, it’s better for everyone if you do stick to it!

  13. I definitely completely agree with you that self-care needs to be a priority. This is beneficial to mental health and negatively affects our mental health without it. Self-care especially the form of time to myself is what calms me.

  14. Setting boundaries is important to your wellbeing. For those who are afraid of being seen as not nice if they put up boundaries and say no to being treated a certain way, it will take practice. But in the end you will gain confidence and attract the right people in your life.

  15. This is a great post. I’ve struggled with setting boundaries for so long but I’m steadily getting there. It’s so liberating to regain some control over myself and my interactions. Thanks for sharing.

  16. Agree with this! It’s been hard for me to set boundaries back then, and as a result I just ended up exhausted and resentful. Recently I’ve been trying to be more assertive and not so much of a people pleaser, and it has definitely helped my well-being improve. Thanks for sharing!

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